I love foie gras.
It melts in your mouth like chocolate, spreading to all corners with a message of sweetness and joy. By the time you swallow it has turned from a solid to a liquid. Grown-up baby-food of the highest order.
Trouble is, it comes at a cost even higher than the sticker price. Stories abound of French farmers nailing geese to a bench, shoving funnels in their mouths and pouring corn down their throats to fatten their livers. And if your conscience still allows you to eat the stuff the geese have their posthumous revenge because the cholesterol in foie gras is so high it will kill you.
Take my advice and enjoy it while you can because most of the time you are the goose, not the consumer. Last night I watched telly, an old episode of Minder. It was absolutely brilliant, nailing my arse to the sofa so well I didn’t move until long after it was over. Every twenty minutes or so I had a funnel stuck in my senses and was force-fed a load of corn about a diamond standard for washing plates and the great qualities of Yakult. My brain was crammed with useless, unwelcome information to bursting point.
Thank God for the internet, the information super-highway where users control what they see. I finally found the will to fight back, switched off the TV and booted the laptop to watch catch-up TV. Only to get nailed again with pre and post-roll ads.
This madness must stop now: force-feeding is completely out-of-place particularly on the internet where we geese (sorry, viewers) demand the right to control what we see and want all videos to be clickable so we decide if we want more information.
And God Bless Arthur Daley, the greatest comic character since Falstaff.